you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
