Are we in a gay sports bar?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
