Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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