so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
