Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
