My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
