physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
