Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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