i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
