I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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