did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize