We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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