i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
