I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
