Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
