Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
