he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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