you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
