I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
