he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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