I have demons in me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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