Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
