My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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