no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
