are you still at the devil's house?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
