Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
