Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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