I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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