We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
