She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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