the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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