This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
