You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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