It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do vagina's smell?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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