I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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