your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
