So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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