i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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