Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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