Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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