I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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