My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
