I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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