I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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