I want to stick my p in your. b.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
