dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
