Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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