My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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