She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
