Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
