I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
