I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
