I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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