so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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