im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
