I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
