ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
