I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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