never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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