I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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