I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize