So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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